nothing stupid
you said.
you're gonna
leave anyway,
you said
let's not mess
with our heads
and remember
i said, perfect.
i don't want
to get involved
because really,
right then, i thought
i am not vulnerable,
i am unavailable,
incapable
after all the loss
and if it's sex
then it's just sex
and that is easy.
you said, animal.
i said, perfect.
i don't want to get involved.
now
your
face
keeps
coming
breaks in
through
daylight
and traffic
some
sunrise
specter
bent
eyelids
blonde
hair
all
arms
and
the
deepest
perfect
kisses
and
the grind
when you
knelt
with
my ass
in your
hands
your
mouth
down
my pants
I want to
kneel
at your
waist.
i will fight
my own mind-
the intimate
details -
the rewind and erase .
i look for
songs to
cheer myself
but instead I mope
down the aisle
and leave with
Leonard Cohen's
Book of Longing.
watch lovers
buy presents
for relatives
they can't stand.
even the
fucking
parking lot
is shiny.
i'll stifle
these fits
with good wine
and cheap hymns.
you know
i heard it
when you sang
about losing
your mind.
better than
your heart
my friend.
i'm getting
too good at
this shit.
a smoke
at the door
and you are gone.
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