levee (november 2007)

I concede:
with only sweet bottles of
conjugal "Phallus Pheremonais 2007"-
that all my joy and gratitude
was yours.
and
my love-life
my sex-drive
and my womanhood -
you filled it
with an "ease of recognition".
I saw flickers of my old lithe self, when i was all shiny-
and our gaze in a glass
brought me poetry,
love songs,
my best self (a fucking saint)
and art.

But i've heard these songs
and danced with feeling.
They choke joyful speech.
They render the will to rock and roll and muse
motionless.

(After all, we only danced
through some rooms
through parks and doors and cars
and beds and doors and sheets
and out the window
on your way back to crazy-town)

So what if my drugs are pink?
The lollipops and band-aids, do hold.
I can find misshaped reflections in a mist.
I can guide them to a pin point razor focus
(but they do not
and can not
direct where the light will shine)

You have gone to hide.


You've drawn "we are enemies"
from an angry lover's council-
from her cradle of outrage!
So, what help is there?
Who has the recipe for fair?
A crumpled receipt from a goddess oracle stamped PAID?
My proof is here.
What invokes a great shift?
What will stir a bold reply?
Do I halt as we meet?
Retreat?
Or charge and run the staff?
And what will levee a screaming speedball-
a river-train of passion
and grief
from bolting down corriders
of my still bright mind?

O surprise! A cataclysm!
It wrecked my carefully placed
statues and alter.
Wrecked my offerings
-the flowers, cake, and love letters -
all wrecked!
Now scattered refuse -
all wrecked-
in drains,
cracked trinkets,
and the closet floor cracks in rooms
where we lied
and made love
and bargained friendship.

My dear old friend,
i am accustomed to fog.
I'll venture in again,
my basket and gloves,
a candle in hand,
to sort the ruins.
Let me salvage something!
Pick up a scrap of me-
one piece i recognize
and love-

But, it is done!

I have written this down
and you are drifting
into some catacomb -
into a fog of lies -
your voice cracking
on a dying frequency.