first communion

us girls
we got to wear white veils -
tiny frightened seven year old
brides of Christ.
afterwards i played wedding
in our driveway
in a red sequined dress.
for weeks i chased
boys into trees
who would not be grooms.

why the door stays shut (june 2007) NEW EDIT

it is simple.

it's freezing out here and we can go inside

but for the 40 locks I locked on the door

I originally locked.

I think I locked it in 1994 with

a standard Schlage

opened it last Christmas

and locked it again

(plus I pushed a chair in front of it)

then I flung the keys out a friend's car on I-77

hiding the evidence

that is:

an empty bowl

a book of 30 cent stamps

the red dress i wore

a composite chart for lovers

my before and after photos

(any evidence)

an old motorcycle seat

a grey fishnet t-shirt

a police report

(the crumpled evidence)

and there are my personal records:

five seven

brunette

blonde

redhead 

brunette

(stay a brunette)

one hundred twenty pounds

one hundred fifty

one hundred thirty five

one hundred fifty five

one hundred thirty

one hundred forty

100 reasons

40 sessions

20 antidepressants

10 cats

9 accounts

8 boyfriends

7 psychics

6 psychologists

5 surgeries

4 stimulants

3 benzos

2 urine samples

1 decade

nothing worth saving.

it's freezing out here 

please

(i've moved the chair away from the door)

get warmer

(close up you can really feel the heat)

but i definitely think the locks are fucked.

when i'm not looking

will you gently dismantle the hinges

and hide the screws in your mouth?

then i'll set fire to the mess.